Dog Humour

As a butcher is shooing a dog from his shop, he sees £10 and a note in his mouth, reading: "10 lamb chops, please."

Amazed, he takes the money, puts a bag of chops in the dog's mouth, and quickly closes the shop.

He follows the dog and watches him wait for a green light, look both ways, and trot across the road to a bus-stop.

The dog checks the timetable and sits on the bench.

When a bus arrives, he walks around to the front and looks at the number, then boards the bus.

The butcher follows, dumbstruck. As the bus travels out into the suburbs, the dog takes in the scenery.

After a while he stands on his back paws to push the "stop" bell, and then the butcher follows him off.

The dog runs up to a house and drops his bag on the step. He barks repeatedly.

No answer.

He goes back down the path, takes a big run, and throws himself -Whap!- against the door. He does this again & again.

No answer.

So he jumps on a wall, walks around the garden, barks repeatedly at a window, jumps off, and waits at the front door. Eventually, a small guy opens it and starts cursing and shouting at the dog.

The butcher runs up screams at the guy: "What the hell are you doing? This dog's a genius!"

The owner responds, "Genius, my a***. It's the second time this week he's forgotten his key!"

Help Wanted

A local Business was looking for office help. They put a sign in the window, that read:

 

"Help Wanted. Must be able to type, must be good with a computer and must be bilingual. We are an Equal Opportunity Employer."

 

A short time afterwards, a dog trotted up to the window, saw the sign and went in side. He looked at the receptionist and wagged his tail, he then walked over to the sign, looked at it and whined.

 

Getting the idea, the receptionist got the office manager. The office manager looked at the dog and was surprised, to say the least. However, the dog looked determined, so he lead him into the office, Inside, the dog jumped up on the chair and stared at the manager.

 

The manager Said, "I can't employ you. The sign says you have to be able to type." The dog jumped down, went to the typewriter and proceeded to type out a perfect letter. He took out the page and trotted over to the manager and gave it to him, then jumped back in the chair. The manager was stunned, but then told the dog, "The sign says you have to be good with a computer."

 

The dog jumped down again and went to the computer. the proceeded to demonstrate his expertise with various programs and produced a sample spreadsheet and database and presented them to the manager By this time the manager was totally dumb-founded! He looked at the dog and said, "I realise that you are a very intelligent dog and have some interesting abilities. However, I*still* can't give you the job."

 

The dog jumped down and went to a copy of the sign and put his paw on the sentences that told about being an Equal Opportunity Employer. The manager said, "yes, but the sign *also* says that you have to be bilingual."

 

The dog looked him straight in the face and said "meow."